Nothing can rock a marriage as horrifically as the infidelity of an extramarital affair. We know, because we have felt the effects of infidelity in our marriage, and we have suffered the pain that has ensued. We are writing this article as a brief testimony of what is possible after an affair, in the hope that we will offer hope to other couples who are experiencing, or who have experienced the horror of adultery.

To answer the question, Yes, there is hope for your marriage after an adulterous affair. It is not easy, and it will not be without pain. But yes, there is hope. It is our Christian belief that God created marriage as a covenant between men and women. He created us to be relational beings, because he desires to have an intimate relationship with us. God created our relational needs, so that we can bond with another person, as a model for how he desires to bond with us. We believe that marriage is to be an extreme expression of love and intimacy, and is to be enriched through the passion, enjoyment, and pleasure of spending a lifetime bonded to one's mate. Given that, we believe that God can work through everyone to restore, heal, and enrich a marriage, regardless of what has happened in the past, including adultery.

While it is true that the Bible grants us the right to seek a divorce in cases of sexual immorality, we encourage all struggling couples to thoroughly examine their situation before pursuing this option. Couples should look at all that their marriage represents, all they have invested, and all that they might want their marriage to be in the future. Consider the impact on their children, families, friends, and others.

God worked through our marriage, and continues to work in us today. We have survived the effects of adultery, and it is our wish to share our testimony with others, because we believe that God has shown his great love in the healing he has done in us.

If you are facing a situation involving infidelity, here are some things to consider:

1. Submit everything to the Lord. God desires for us to submit all of our problems to Him. You may try to work through your situation using your own will, but it is our belief that if this is the best you have, you will ultimately fail. At the very least, you will not achieve the state of marriage God has intended for you.
   
   
2. Be completely open and honest with each other. The first steps at restoring trust and forgiveness must begin with complete honesty from both people. This will be painful, but it is necessary. Without honesty, there will be no way for trust to be rebuilt. Without being open, there will be no way for intimacy to be rekindled, or for forgiveness to occur.
   
   
3. Seek Christian counseling. It is extremely helpful to be with someone experienced in these matters, to help you sort out the complex issues, and to guide you to sound Biblical principles that will help you bring resolution to your issues. The value of a trusted counselor is not to be minimized.
   
   
4. Commit yourselves to rebuilding your marriage. Both of you must take the step of desiring to rebuild. It won't be good enough to just "go along" with things, or to "give it a try". In order to survive, we were required to take on the attitude that "we will make this happen", and "we won't give up on each other".
   
   
5. Dedicate time to spend in prayer, and in reading the Bible. This should probably be done both as a couple and individually. We believe that since we were submitted to the Lord, He began to show us wisdom, and to speak to us through His word. We believe it was His healing touch that guided us to the point of repentance and forgiveness.

We have set up a web site that includes many of the lessons and thoughts we have gone through as a result of this season in our lives. You can find this web site here. It is our prayer that this web resource can be one of encouragement for other couples. We do not wish to draw attention to ourselves, but rather to help other couples find love and intimacy again in their marriages, following the tragic events of adultery.

With God's help, there is hope for the future of any marriage. Through His guidance, you can arrive at a point where your marriage will be stronger, closer, more passionate, more intimate, and more pleasing to the Lord than you may have ever imagined. He did it for us!

Richard and Holly Suarez

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Another Helpful Article:
How To Survive Infidelity